Guidelines for Audience Participation in The Forum For Under

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You each have a unique opportunity to view two participants, who hold widely divergent, even hostile views on a given topic, figure out how to have a productive conversation, despite their strong emotions about the subject.

Your job is to notice what they’re doing ‘right’.  You’ll be looking for instances when deeply listening to the other person made a difference in helping the other person become less defensive or when the talker shared a particularly vulnerable moment which totally shifted

the tone of the dialogue.     

What Are You Looking For?

You’re looking for specific behaviors that help the participants get their ideas across in a more effective way that makes it easier for the other person to hear without becoming defensive.  You may also notice what approaches the listener took to help the talker feel they were trying to get to know them vs. judging or arguing with them.  We’ll be asking you to comment on these behaviors.  What did you see that made a difference?  We’ll also be looking to you to ask questions about why a certain interchange helped with the dialogue or what might have worked better if instead it happened to go off track.  You’re truly serving as the  “Greek Chorus” that is providing guidance, insight and support for the participants.

What This Isn’t

The Forum is not a debate, nor is it an opportunity to attempt to change anyone’s mind.  When we try to determine who is ‘right and who is wrong or whose ideas should prevail and whose should be a relegated to the dust bin, we move into ‘control talk and control mode’.

The result is usually no one wins, but everyone involved feels extremely angry or discouraged.  Few minds are changed, even if ‘one side’ has all the facts and wins the debate.   That’s what we’re observing in our country today.

What It Is

As noted above, this is a process of hearing difficult opinions on a contentious topic that might normally result in an argument or an estrangement, as it has in many families and with many friends.  Instead, each person is making an effort to truly listen, validate (even if they don’t agree) and keep asking curious questions until they feel they really understand the person behind the positioning.   The talker and the listener each has a goal of getting to know the other person and each feeling truly ‘seen’ by the other person, and ultimately by all of you in the audience.  Before each session you will each get a ‘cheat sheet’ that will guide you in what to look for, specific behaviors that support meaningful dialogues that you can comment on, ask questions about or offer suggestions.  Hopefully you’ll find this helpful in your own relationships and in navigating these very difficult times we find ourselves.  By learning new tools and skills when we disagree with others, we can find a way to make a difference for ourselves and for others in our floundering communities.